Ep 58 | ACTRESS, MODEL, ENTREPRENEUR & HOPE DEALER: ALESSANDRA TORRESANI

Episode Summary

Today’s guest is someone you sure must’ve seen on your TV screen!

The incredibly talented Alessandra Torresani came over to the HINESIGHTS Podcast to share some of her story and journey in mental health. She reflects on her diagnosis process and how she has dealt with her bipolar disorder since working in the entertainment industry. Alessandra also looks back at her own process of talking about having bipolar disorder. She has amazing advice on how to be a public figure and still manage to cope with mental illnesses. 

Alessandra is incredibly generous during this episode, we hope you enjoy it! 

About the Guest - Alessandra Torresani

Alessandra Torresani (born May 29, 1987) is an American actress best known for her portrayal of Zoe Graystone in the SF television series "Caprica". She began studying dancing and singing when she was two years old. At the age of 8, she landed a job doing interviews between cartoons on The WB Television Network. Torresani's television debut was at age nine when she hosted the "Kids' WB Club" for San Francisco's KBWB (Channel 20).

She co-starred in the Disney Channel Original Movie Going to the Mat. Her other television credits include guest appearances on Even Stevens, JAG, ER, The War at Home, Malcolm In The Middle, Arrested Development, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, CSI: Crime Scene Investigation. In May 2008, Torresani was cast as Zoe Graystone in Syfy's Caprica, a prequel spin-off of Battlestar Galactica, which debuted in 2009. In 2013 Torresani starred in the comedy web series Husbands, which first aired on September 13, 2011

Alessandra now is a mental health advocate too. 

Key Take-Aways

  • We have all have had to change our ways to stay connected with our loved ones through the pandemic. 

  • If you’re not ready to talk about your diagnosis, don’t. Do so at your own pace. 

  • Understanding mental health illnesses is a process that can take years. 

  • Find a community that understands and supports your mental health. 

  • It is okay to not give your 100% all the time. 

  • Life is a big trial and error. 

Resources

Ep 58_Hinesights_Alessandra Torresani: Audio automatically transcribed by Sonix

Ep 58_Hinesights_Alessandra Torresani: this mp3 audio file was automatically transcribed by Sonix with the best speech-to-text algorithms. This transcript may contain errors.

Kevin Hines:
My name is Kevin Hines. I jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge. I believe that I had to die, but I lived. Today, I travel the world with my lovely wife, Margaret, sharing stories of people who have triumphed over incredible adversity. Now, we help people be here tomorrow. Welcome to the HINESIGHTS podcast.

Kevin Hines:
What is cracking, Hope Nation? It is your friendly neighborhood, Kevin Hines, and this is another episode of the HINESIGHTS podcast. Today's guest on the HINESIGHTS podcast is a truly inspirational human being, Alessandra Torresani is an actress, a dancer, a mental health advocate, and someone who, like myself, lives with bipolar type one disorder.

Alessandra Torresani:
Woohoo!

Kevin Hines:
Has struggled with comparing yourself to others and her achievements in mental health issues throughout her childhood, which I believe is something we can all relate to and learn from in what will certainly be an amazing conversation of hope today. Alessandra has been labeled a diva because of her mental health issues in the workplace, and she delves deep into how to manage unfair labels and discrimination due to those very challenges and issues, crucial. All in all, she's an incredible person with a heart of gold and one powerful, life-changing story. Please welcome to the HINESIGHTS podcast, the amazing, the one and only, Alessandra Torresani, how .... welcome.

Alessandra Torresani:
What?! Can you just do the intros for my podcast? Because that's the best.

Kevin Hines:
I totally can, that's a done deal.

Alessandra Torresani:
That was just so smooth and eloquent and beautiful and to the point, and I'm just like, on my show I just ramble and ramble and ramble and, this is real fun.

Kevin Hines:
Well, I just thought you needed a really great introduction to set the stage for this conversation, which I'm really excited to have.

Alessandra Torresani:
Oh, I'm so excited to be here! This was such a great opportunity. I've been such a fan of yours for so long and I just was so lucky to be able to actually meet you in person a couple weeks ago or months ago. Oh God, what is time? With our fellow friend Brit Bronson, who has just brought me the most incredible humans in my atmosphere, so, I'm just so honored to be here.

Kevin Hines:
Oh let's talk Brit Bronson for a minute, Brit Bronson.

Alessandra Torresani:
Yeah, let's just brag about her because she's the best!

Kevin Hines:
If you don't know who Brit Bronson is, those of you who are listening, go to space movement and look up her and the work she's doing in mental health, and she's phenomenal, but we'l,l we'll leave it at that. Alessandra, my first question for you.

Alessandra Torresani:
OK!

Kevin Hines:
Is a COVID-related question.

Alessandra Torresani:
Oh, OK.

Kevin Hines:
How did you stay connected to your family and friends during COVID and the everyday hustle of life?

Alessandra Torresani:
Oh, well, that's a really good question and something I haven't thought about, but how did I stay connected? I found that at the beginning of COVID, I was, like the beginning of our lockdown, right, I felt very comfortable being alone and just focusing on me and, you know, taking care of my body and eating healthily and cooking and doing all this stuff. And I had that lack of communication with people, and it took me a while to finally kind of snap out of it through a friend of mine who sat me down and was like, enough is enough, you're spiraling. And I don't know if you feel the same way, if this was something that you went through because you live with bipolar as well. But it kind of that low-low hit me for the first time and I wasn't communicating with anybody. So it took a friend of mine to kind of reach out and shake me up and say, hey, not only do you have to communicate with your friends and your family, but guess what? You have to communicate with the people that are listening to your podcast, that are part of this, this is their whole, you know, this is why you started this podcast pre-COVID was so you could have open communication and be able to normalize a conversation and stigmatize, you know, get rid of that stigmatazion. Is that a word? I don't know, I'm rambling

Kevin Hines:
You were close, stigmatization. But you, you're.

Alessandra Torresani:
There you go, whatever, I'm blonde, so everything can be forgiven.

Kevin Hines:
You combine two words into one that was great.

Alessandra Torresani:
Listen, I'm extra smart. Ok, that's what I got to learn, there's a lot of extra smart, but really, truly, it took other people for me to be reminded why I'm here on this Earth and why I want to start that communication with others. And what was the second question?

Kevin Hines:
The second piece of it was how did you deal with staying connected during the everyday hustle of life? You got a lot going on, your podcast, you're an actress, you're a dancer.

Alessandra Torresani:
Well, acting was kaputs. You know, it was not, it was literally a job that didn't exist. It was before they had figured out, you know, this was way before, you know, vaccines and COVID tests and all of this, it was all just put on hold. So the only thing that I could truly focus on was my own mental health, my physical health, and my form of communication with an audience that has been listening and following my journey.

Kevin Hines:
Well, and look what you've done. You've reached that many people, which is amazing.

Alessandra Torresani:
Right! I've been really blessed. I have a great, great audience.

Kevin Hines:
What was it like, and I know you've gotten this question before, I'm sure, but I'm going to ask it anyway. What was it like growing up as a young actress?

Alessandra Torresani:
Oh, it was really fun. I didn't have the, how do I, How do I say this in a nice way? I didn't have the typical young actor life of the wild and craziness of drugs and all of that, that kind of came at once, I was actually quite sheltered and I think that's because maybe I was an only child and my mother was with me and was my best friend. So we were always together and she always allowed friends to be a part of our family. So I never felt the need to want to rebel and stuff. And for me, it was all I ever wanted to do. I just wanted to be on a set and I just wanted to work and have fun and create that family that was outside of my immediate family.

Kevin Hines:
Amazing. I love it, and I love that you have that great relationship with your mom to set the boundaries and the wall to say you're protected, you're safe, go do what you want to do for the rest of your life, and go explore that career, and kill it, that's amazing.

Alessandra Torresani:
Yeah, she allowed me just to be a true artist, and she really nurtured that, and that was something that a lot of people, unfortunately, didn't have, and I was very blessed.

Kevin Hines:
You know what? that's an important note you make, just to touch on that topic a little more, is that there's a group of parents that will say when you want to, when you say to them I want to be an actress, they say, no, you can't.

Alessandra Torresani:
Yeah.

Kevin Hines:
Go get a job, be a lawyer, a doctor.

Alessandra Torresani:
Right, get a real job.

Kevin Hines:
Get a real job, as they say. And then there's the group of parents that go, it's for your dreams and go for what you want, go for it, and we support it .... And I know my, my wife's cousin, Darren Criss, is in that in that category. His parents totally supported everything he wanted to do and look how, look at the success it's brought him. And so, it's those actors that are not supported, that maybe rebel more often, I think, than those who are supported.

Alessandra Torresani:
Right! And I think, also the other thing that what my, my, you know, parents saw and especially my mother, was that, you know, both of them were in computer technology from the Bay Area. They were not actors, they were not in the entertainment industry, they didn't understand it. So for them, you know, this was so clear that it was a born passion of mine that it wasn't this I'm trying to follow in their dreams, or also it wasn't like they always wanted to be a star, so they were going to make me a star. You know, it never was that, it was, OK, this is a really weird thing that you want to do, but if you want to do it, we're going to respect you and we're going to help you and give you the resources that we best possibly can. But yeah, I was very lucky that it wasn't something that was ever forced or something that I was just following along.

Kevin Hines:
Wow, I love your stories like that because it's inspiring for people who are coming up or someone watching right now to go, you know what? I'm going to go for my dreams, ... what anybody says, I'm going to do it because you can't get to be sixty-five, seventy-five, eighty-five and regret your past life because that would.

Alessandra Torresani:
Yeah.

Kevin Hines:
There's so many people around the world who want to do one thing in their life, but they sell it for something else when they really wanted to have this.

Alessandra Torresani:
Right.

Kevin Hines:
And you know what? The worst part about that is that they're unhappy.

Alessandra Torresani:
Yeah.

Kevin Hines:
They're unhappy.

Alessandra Torresani:
Yeah.

Kevin Hines:
OK, when did, because this I'm curious about because I dealt with this with my bipolar type one diagnosis. When did you receive that diagnosis? What was it like for you? How did it make you feel, that first day they told you that's what you had?

Alessandra Torresani:
Yeah, I was about twenty-one, twenty-two and I was diagnosed by actually an acupuncturist, not real, a real doctor, as some people would say, which is interesting because I had been in therapy, I had been going to psychiatrists, psychologists, hypnotherapist, I mean, you name it, I did it. I was misdiagnosed and put on antidepressants, which made my highs higher, my lows lower, which caused, you know, suicidal attempts and ideations and all sorts of fun stuff like that. But it was an acupuncturist. After I was shooting a TV show called Caprica, I'd come back home after having my first panic attack and I was explaining my symptoms. And he said, you know, I have a lot of clients that are in the entertainment industry, who have very similar personalities to you and struggles, and, you know, they live with something called bipolar disorder. I think that maybe you should bring this up to your doctor and that's how it happened. And I went to a new doctor who said, absolutely, of course you live with bipolar disorder, no one ever told you this before, and I said, no? They never did. It was never an option. I never heard the term before. And so that's when my whole life completely changed upside-down for the best.

Kevin Hines:
Wow. So you learn that. And then what was your process to finding hope, healing, and recovery?

Alessandra Torresani:
You know, I believe in medicine to a point, I had a really hard time, I guess the best way I describe it is when I heard the diagnosis from the doctor and I had a confirmation it was like a taking a deep breath and it was like, wow, finally, there is something that I can do to help because it was always like, well, we think you're this or we think you're that. So we're going to try you on this medication, we're going to try this, this was the first kind of like, no, this is what you are, we're going to put you on a medication that's going to help you and you're going to feel stable. And so when I finally had that, first hit of Lamictal, if you will, you know, the bipolar medicine, I was feeling just great because I felt stable and I felt like my true authentic self, and that was something that I'd been missing for years. So it's pretty wild.

Kevin Hines:
Well, I'm glad, I'm glad that you learned that. I'm glad you learned what you had to do to, to shift your life experience.

Alessandra Torresani:
Yep.

Kevin Hines:
Now, I know, I know you, you moved around from school to school throughout your younger years, right? What was that like and how that affected your mental health?

Alessandra Torresani:
You know, I actually was totally fine with it. I wasn't a kid, that, yeah, I mean, I was, it was kind of my choice, right? Like, I went to a normal school and then I wanted to be an actress and I got bit by the camera bug. And then I started doing homeschooling and then I wanted to have a normal and quote-unquote life in middle school. So I started a brand new school in L.A. and I loved it until it didn't work anymore. And I ended up getting my high school proficiency exam completed by the middle of my sophomore year, and I started doing junior college classes online and got into every college that I wanted by the age of 16 and had to defer to all of them because I was working. So, you know, I actually never even went to a college that I thought I was going to do and have that real-life experience. But I was following my dreams and I was working, and that's what I wanted to do, so I didn't. I always knew I could go back to school if it was something that I really, truly felt I lacked and I missed. And maybe one day I will, you know, there's no stopping, but right now I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing.

Kevin Hines:
What are you supposed to be doing, where you're supposed to be doing it, when you're ...

Alessandra Torresani:
Yeah.

Kevin Hines:
That's awesome. I love hearing those kinds of stories because it inspires me. I took an interesting route with my life, my dad wanted me to go to all these different colleges after high school and I sit down. I went to the City College for a couple of years, maybe a couple of too many years, you know, until I realized.

Alessandra Torresani:
Okay, who's judging?

Kevin Hines:
Who's judging? Nobody. But I realized I wanted to get into public speaking and share my story. And I remember my dad being like, well, you know, how are you going to make money doing that? And I'm like, Dad, I'll figure it out. And I finally told my dad, who is adamant about me going to college, dad, I'm not going to college, I'm going to pursue this career in public speaking. And if I ever go back to college, it'll be film school.

Alessandra Torresani:
Wow.

Kevin Hines:
And finally, when I did that, when I asserted myself with my father, who's pretty abrasive at the time, you know, a great man, the best dad could you ever have. He was just rough around the edges, and when I did that, he respected it. He goes, OK, you finally told me what you have meant to tell, tell me for a long time. I respect that. So it's great.

Alessandra Torresani:
Wow! That's great. Wow.

Kevin Hines:
Can I ask you a question? Today, what has been your favorite set to be on and why?

Alessandra Torresani:
Oh.

Kevin Hines:
Or are there a couple? I don't want.

Alessandra Torresani:
There are so many! I will say I absolutely loved being on the set of Big Bang Theory when I was on that show for a bit because I was such an uber-fan of the show to begin with. So it was the first show that I actually was a part of where I was such a fan, and being able to go on the set for the first day was not just like, oh, it's every day at work. I had such respect for the actors and I had loved them so much, but I also was just in awe when I saw the sets for the first time, I was like, Oh my God, that's the comic book store. Like, I was fangirling out myself. So I think that that was a very unique situation because it was the kind of the only show where I really, truly had such a passion for and couldn't believe that I was so lucky that I got on it.

Kevin Hines:
Oh, I love that. So like a true dream come true if you.

Alessandra Torresani:
Yeah, like a true fan girl moment.

Kevin Hines:
Oh, it's beautiful. I love that. How do you? I've got to ask you this, how do you deal with the rejection that comes with auditioning? Because I know for some people it's really not easy.

Alessandra Torresani:
Yeah, I mean, I don't know any different. I think that's what I always say. I think that if you can't handle the worst audition and the meanest casting and the worst director and where they literally, I can't even tell you the amount of times I've been in auditions where I'm over there, hysterically crying in the scene, having this emotional breakdown and they have their phones in front of their faces and they're not even looking at you the entire time. And you know, you just shake it off and you go, well, I did what I could do, and that's all that I could do. I'm not, I'm not in control of them, right? I can't say, wake up, do this, you know? And I think once you relinquish your control of the situation and you just enjoy it and you go in there and you do your art and you walk away. But if you can't handle that and I've had a lot of people, you know, who have been in the business for a long time, who finally eventually are just like we can't handle anymore, you know, you have to stop because it's the worst. It's truly, truly like abusive, you know, because you're giving your heart and soul to a performance, and then there are people there that are just awful who just couldn't give two shits about you basically, sorry, like, oh yeah.

Kevin Hines:
Mental health training, I'll tell you that much.

Alessandra Torresani:
Yeah, yeah, exactly! Yeah. And so I think that if you're not, if it hurts the first time and you can't go, OK, you know what? I'm going to brush it off and move on and go to the next one, it's not the business for you because the rejection consistently will keep getting worse. It doesn't get better if you work. I mean, I was coming off the hottest show on television and gone into an audition, and people could care less, and they were so rude to me, you know, so it doesn't matter if you're the most famous person in the world. They just don't care. It's just some people just like that, you know, and you got to deal with the rejection. They just aren't that into you.

Kevin Hines:
You got to deal with the rejection, you got to move on. And if you can't compartmentalize that they're not trying to insult you, they're just, they're just that kind of business and that kind of, those kinds of people. And you have to just move forward or you have to say, I can't do this anymore.

Alessandra Torresani:
Right.

Kevin Hines:
So it's a choice you have to make. Well, I love the choice you've made because you're doing some great work that's impacting lives both in your advocacy and your film work, which is fascinating.

Alessandra Torresani:
Thank you!

Kevin Hines:
Ok. How do you deal with the discrimination surrounding your mental illness? And I want to say discrimination and not stigma, because we don't call things like bigotry, hatred and prejudic, stigma. We call them bigotry, hatred and prejudice. When someone is looking at you and they are quote-unquote stigmatizing you for your mental struggles, they're truly discriminating you based upon something you're dealing with, something you're living with that's not your fault. How do you deal with it today? How did you deal with it back when you were diagnosed?

Alessandra Torresani:
Right. Well, when I was diagnosed, I didn't tell a lot of people, but the people that did know were those who were on set with me every single day, that was like a family, and they were all very supportive of me. It wasn't specific people, but when I would tell certain people on set or certain agencies and stuff like that, they would say to me, you know, it's best not to tell anyone that you live with bipolar disorder because you don't want to be labeled as a diva, as difficult, as a hard-to-work-with person. So I was never, I thankfully was never in quote-unquote said, oh, you're a diva. You know, it was just a kind of a warning. It was a warning because it was especially at the times when Lindsay Lohan and all of the girls were going out and partying and going out late and then showing up late to set, and they were being labeled as divas. So if you were, if you had a mental disorder, that would mean that, that you were difficult to work with and you weren't hirable. So I kept it, you know, I would say things here and there, and I'm Italian, I'm a loudmouth, so it does come out, you know? And so I, you know, certain things I would say, but I truly kept it private to the point where it did affect my own mental health, right? Because you would be in a room or you would read a script and they'd be talking about the characters could be bipolar, and they're making her out to be this totally insane human being where it's like none of this is even functioning, none of this works, none of this lines up, this is not the proper diagnosis but you don't say anything. So the first time that I actually said something in, you know, I had talked about it on my podcast and finally said, you know, forget it, I'm just going to be who I am. You know, this is me, warts and all, and let's just like, get for it, you know? But the first time I actually said something in an audition was when I played Duela Dent on Batwoman because the role was not written as a quote-unquote bipolar girl, but there were a lot of similarities. And the writing was so beautiful, it was so well done. And so when I was in the audition and I did it and I said, I just have to tell you, I live with bipolar disorder and I never read a scene that has felt so true to form of what someone goes through with frustration. And I was like, I just, I'm just so in awe, and I just think that this was wonderful, so thank you so much for writing something so beautiful and not having it be such a bad thing, but be truthful. And I actually got the role, so I was like, maybe I'm just going to tell people I'm bipolar more often, because maybe that's what, so maybe, that's the truth. But it's true. But I think that, you know, I also love to tell everyone, and if you're not ready to talk about your own diagnosis, whatever the mental health may be, don't do it because it's a can of worms. And I'm sure you've seen this as well and live with this in your life, when you start talking about living with bipolar disorder, you start talking about suicide and all of these things, people come to you like, you're the doctor, right?

Kevin Hines:
Yeah.

Alessandra Torresani:
Because you don't share it, and it's not a normal conversation that people have. So when you do find someone that has lived through that experience that you have, you crave it so much, but it can be very overwhelming for the person that's hearing it from the other side, so, you know, I just like to warn people you have to be fully ready and fully understanding of your own story and of the mindset, where you have the tools to be able to decompress if you hear a tough story, you know before, before you come out and you share yours.

Kevin Hines:
Wow, couldn't have said it better myself. And really, you know, when you think like that, it really helps you understand that when you share your story, people share with you theirs.

Alessandra Torresani:
Yeah.

Kevin Hines:
You do have to really prepare yourself for that because it can be overwhelming and it can feel like the crab pulling the other crab down into the bucket, you know.

Alessandra Torresani:
Right.

Kevin Hines:
So, so in my experience, I travel around the world, I share my story, I'm grateful that I get to do that, and sometimes hundreds of people will wait in line to say what they want to say. And you know, you're there and you make the commitment to say, OK, I'm going to wait for all these people to tell me their story, tell me their pain because I came here to let their voices be heard, this is not about me. And so by the 30th person, you're like, oh, this is heavy.

Alessandra Torresani:
Yeah.

Kevin Hines:
But I think if you look at it, if you look at it like you're helping someone be honest about their pain for maybe the first time in their entire life, it can also be a great gift.

Alessandra Torresani:
It's a blessing, yeah.

Kevin Hines:
Yes, blessing and a gift. So, so was that, let me ask you this, was that the turning point when you want to share your story with the world? Was it, was it during the Batwoman?

Alessandra Torresani:
No. I actually had already been talking about living with bipolar disorder before that, but that was the first time that I had actually admitted it in an audition. And I remember walking out and I turned to my husband now, was my then-boyfriend at the time, and I was like, oh, I did not get that one.

Kevin Hines:
Oh, no!

Alessandra Torresani:
I'm like they're going to think I'm crazy that I just said that, like that was way too much information for them to hear. But no, I had actually started talking about living with bipolar disorder because I'm an ambassador for NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness.

Kevin Hines:
That's right!

Alessandra Torresani:
And yeah, and I had gone to one of their luncheons. A friend of mine is also an ambassador, I hadn't shared really with anyone about living with bipolar disorder, but my friend knew, she was like, why don't you come along with me and come watch and see these other people share their stories? And it was the first time I had heard other people talk about mental illness, their struggles, and how they were thriving and living their best lives. So I had approached Katrina Gay, who's one of the heads of NAMI, and I said, hey, you know, I live with bipolar disorder, you ever need someone to help out like, this is my jam. Like, this is awesome. And from then on, you know, they have been the most supportive community, I think of anyone I've ever met. And they constantly are there to support and push and help me move forward, and I started with the video that I just posted on Instagram talking about my bipolar disorder, and from then I got asked, you know, two weeks later to go to this big conference where I met Brit Bronson and a bunch of other mental health people. And I had said, I've always wanted to have my own talk show and talk about this, and they said, well, why don't you do a podcast? I said, yeah, I've always wanted to call it emotionAL support because everyone calls me Al and they're like, we'll do it, we'll all be on your show, and so if it wasn't for people like Brit and those people in this community that I had met at this conference, I wouldn't have had guests, I wouldn't have had people on my podcast, I would have just been a lost cause. But it was all about when you share your story, someone else connects, and then they're going to be there and be like, I'm going to help you out, I'm going to show up for you, and it's all about showing up. Those people showed up for me in a time that, that could have been a really scary time of my life if they didn't. And so that's, that's how it started just about three years ago. I'm on season ... of the podcast, it happened literally overnight. It was wild.

Kevin Hines:
I love it. And let's, let's give a huge shout out to NAMI for a minute here.

Alessandra Torresani:
Yeah, the best.

Kevin Hines:
I mean, whatever you want to call them, there's people in different parts of the country, they call it different.

Alessandra Torresani:
NAMI.

Kevin Hines:
We love, we love NAMI. I do tell you, I will tell you, when I go to different states, you're like, it's not NAMI, and like, no, it's NAMI.

Alessandra Torresani:
NAMI, Yeah, I know. I knowm I always get .... I'm like, I don't know, I say NAMI.

Kevin Hines:
NAMI, National Alliance on Mental Illness, a great organization, isn't it NAMI.org?

Alessandra Torresani:
Yes, it is.

Kevin Hines:
NAMI.org, if you want to get involved, please do, we would love you too. I've got to ask you, why do you feel it's so important for you to use your platform to share experiences of living with bipolar type one and living with mental illness?

Alessandra Torresani:
Oh wow! I think it's important because, I get very emotional always about this question, because this is a strong, powerful question. I didn't have a role model or somebody who I looked up to who lived with an illness, a disorder that I did, that I saw thriving and get forward and have to talk about it. For me, that person was Carrie Fisher, I'm obsessed with Star Wars, obviously Princess Leia, but I'm wearing a shirt, everything but, really, truly, that was the first person that I heard talk about bipolar disorder in an honest way. I'm a very, I'm a tough chick, I'll say that, you know, and myself and I have a potty mouth, I'm really trying hard to contain it right now, but I am a little bit of Howard Stern, just a little naughty. You know, that's just who I am. And to hear another female who was so powerful, who had such a strong voice, who was a writer who did all of these huge accomplishments, be able to talk about living with bipolar disorder and addiction in all of these mental health issues and be able to thrive at life, that is something that I always knew that, OK, if she could do what, I could do it. So if I could do that for one person, then I've I've completed my life's journey. That's what it's about.

Kevin Hines:
Wow, beautiful. You know? And Carrie Fisher, shout out to Carrie Fisher, the late, great Carrie Fisher.

Alessandra Torresani:
Yeah.

Kevin Hines:
Amazing accomplishments in life, both in film and in mental health advocacy and hope and healing and helping other people. Shout out to Star Wars.

Alessandra Torresani:
Yeah!

Kevin Hines:
That has touched so many lives in the way of creativity, fanaticism and everything in between. And really, you know, shout out to you for doing this great work and and sharing your story and changing lives. I'm so excited to talk to you, this is so great. I get really nerdy when it comes to Star Wars, so.

Alessandra Torresani:
We do.

Kevin Hines:
I know you've got, you can see my background here, but behind my background is just a wall of Marvel and Star Wars.

Alessandra Torresani:
Oh my god, awesome!

Kevin Hines:
Yeah. So I'll leave that to the imagination. Ok, I've got a question for you. I asked this question of all my guests, right around this time, what would you say to your younger self if you can go back in time to that person that just got diagnosed with bipolar disorder?

Alessandra Torresani:
Oh, just breathe, literally. It's so simple. Just breathe, it's going to be OK, it's a lot, it's going to be, it's going to be a journey. But just breathe. Let it go. You're going to be OK.

Kevin Hines:
Yes, for sure. And what are, what are your favorite or most used self-care tips and tricks?

Alessandra Torresani:
Oh, I love that. I'm a firm believer in transcendental meditation that helps out.

Kevin Hines:
David?

Alessandra Torresani:
Yes, David Lynch. And so I was very honored to have been able to learn at the David Lynch Foundation. So that was really cool.

Kevin Hines:
... Bob Roth?

Alessandra Torresani:
Not by Bob, but one of Bob's, Bob's people.

Kevin Hines:
Oh wow, OK.

Alessandra Torresani:
But Bob's there, always. So that's very exciting. But yeah, it was, it was a great, it was a great moment. And, you know, I just believe in being able to take that moment, take a step, take a breath. And if you just get up in the morning and you get out of bed and you take a shower, that's all you can accomplish, round of applause, like because it's about forgiving yourself for not going one hundred and ten percent every single day. It's not good to go one hundred and ten percent every single day. So you know it's OK to take that moment and just breathe and relax. And it took me a while to actually comprehend that and acknowledge that and then and act on that. So I think for me, it's really, truly meditation and just, you know, simple as a bath, sometimes that I'll just do the trick.

Speaker2:
Yeah, symbolism, baths or whatever self-care tip helps you stay stable, whatever you can put in your life that helps you recognize your true value, that you work, that you love, that you matter, and that you know things like suicide are not the, are not the solution to our problems, they are the problem. We're vocal about that kind of pain is crucial so you can survive that kind of pain.

Alessandra Torresani:
Absolutely.

Kevin Hines:
All right. How do you manage with the negative and false information that as an actress that some people put out about you just to be relevant? In my experience as a public speaker, I've experienced some of this where people say hurtful and hateful and mean and nasty things about me based on things that aren't accurate. What do you do to deal with that or is it something that you are just like, this doesn't bother me.

Alessandra Torresani:
Oh, it definitely bothers me. It definitely bothers me. It definitely hurts. I think it hurts more, I've had a lot of bad things that have happened to me and a lot of things that have been written and a lot of mean comments about looks and about stuff like that. I think that the worst, though, that's happened to me recently is people being critical about me talking about living with bipolar disorder. There was someone one time who got really mad that I don't know a sweatshirt didn't arrive on time or something because of customs, I mean, something so, Kevin, something so ridiculous, that was so silly, and their response to me was writing all over my social media pages Alessandra is an awful human, she's faking this bipolar disorder, she's just trying to jump on a hashtag and trying to be cool and relevant and all this stuff, and I was like, God, like, I know that that person probably didn't mean it, and I'm sure like they are going through their own stuff, but like, don't get me wrong, like, I sat there and I was hysterically crying because I was like, This is why I didn't come out talking about it, because I didn't want people to think that I was using it as a hashtag or something false, and it was really hurtful. And I think about it all the time. So, you know, but that I think whether you're famous, whether you're a spokesperson or not, I think that bullying happens and people are just, excuse my French, assholes. And I don't think it matters how big you are, how small you are. But I think that you have to just recognize hurt people, hurt people. And if you just remember it's going to hurt and cry it out, scream it out, whatever, but just know that person is hurting so much more than you. So instead of going back and retaliating or saying something mean back, just send love because they need it more than you do.

Kevin Hines:
I love your perspective on that.

Alessandra Torresani:
It took a while to get there, let's, I'm not any.

Kevin Hines:
I truly appreciate the depth you went into there because for all the people out there who are working towards a goal, who are being put down by others who don't comprehend or understand what they're doing or empathize, who put them in a, in a box and say, this is what you are, you know, I'll tell you, as you know, I jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge to try to take my life in the year 2000, I survived that fall, but I've had people write to me and say, why don't you go jump off with an anvil tied your legs and do it right this time, you know, and it's just.

Alessandra Torresani:
Cool! Thanks bro.

Kevin Hines:
Thanks, bro. You know, like, what good does that do a person who's already living with chronic thoughts of suicide? It's so wrong to do so. And what if I did that? And like, are they not going to feel bad about that? And they're not be, there are these trolling people that feel empowered to hurt other people with their words. And you're right hurt people, hurt people.

Alessandra Torresani:
And they want a response. They literally want your response right then.

Kevin Hines:
And I used to respond to these things, and I realize this is a waste of my time and my energy, I'm not going to take this seriously, I'm not going to respond because it's just going to, it's just a cycle that you never get out of and you're just it's like running in a hamster wheel, you know, it's never-ending.

Alessandra Torresani:
Absolutely. Yeah. But I mean, But I'm glad that you see that as well. And it's true. It's just hurt People hurt people, It doesn't matter who you are in this world, there's always going to be a bully and there's always going to be someone that's going to try to take you down.

Alessandra Torresani:
I couldn't agree more. Let me ask you this question because you did touch upon this earlier, but I want to just get a definitive answer. Are you currently in therapy of any kind besides just transcendental meditation, if you're comfortable answering this question, do you take medications for?

Alessandra Torresani:
Oh yeah.

Kevin Hines:
Can you tell me about that?

Alessandra Torresani:
Yeah, no. I'm a firm believer in medication, of Lamictal, is something that has helped me, it doesn't help everybody, so I don't say you should do it. For me, it's just it's take a lot of trial and error for me to find the right cocktail that works for me, you know? But I believe therapy absolutely. And all different types of therapy. I was doing hypnotherapy when I was a kid, and that was wonderful, I truly loved that. But I've even gone as far as doing, one of my dear friends, Derek Jamison, I worked with him on doing past life regression therapy, do all sorts of things that I can do for my mind, I will try it. I will try anything to get a beautiful fix, if you will, for the moment. But we're never perfect and it's constantly a job that needs to keep on working.

Kevin Hines:
Very good. And I think that fix, a fix of hope, right? A fix of light and energy and beauty. Well, what, you've spoken about meditation and how you dance to cope. Weigh a little bit more about that because I want, I want people to know what that means we talked about transcendental meditation earlier, but what does it really do for you and your, and your successful life?

Speaker4:
Yeah, I mean, well, if, my true passion is always acting, but my heart of hearts love is what I first did and how I first got in the business was I was a dancer. So for me, I would do, I'm a national jazz and tap champion, I traveled all over the world like, that's what I did. So for me, being on a stage and performing, there's nothing better. So when I am in my head and I am, you know, having a manic moment, I'm going to go and take a dance class. Unfortunately, you can't do that during COVID anymore, but you can certainly be in your room and you can turn your lights off and you can blast that music and dance a little pants off. So that is something that I do. But I think that, you know, for the meditation aspect of it all, it's like whatever I can do to clear myself and get out of that manic moment, you know, I have certain triggers, I don't know if that is for everyone, but for me, like I know, like, ooh, I'm feeling a little on edge, I gotta do something to fix that, you know, and it's, it's addicting to have a manic episode, it feels good sometimes, you know, so you have to be careful, but that's why I will go and do something active, like dancing to get it physically out of my body. So I don't have that urge to just throw something across the room or punch a mirror. You know, certain things like that that didn't answer your question because I forgot what the question was, but that was just like once again.

Kevin Hines:
Oh, you totally answered the question. You know, it was about meditation and dancing to cope, you got, you got them both now.

Alessandra Torresani:
Ok, OK, I'm like, I'm like, see? I just talk the talk!

Kevin Hines:
No, it's perfect. I love it. How have you managed the kind of darker moments in your life when you were perhaps new to your diagnosis? How did you deal with it? Were there any situations where you dealt with it poorly?

Alessandra Torresani:
Oh my God, totally! Like every situation, I feel like you look back on and you're like, I dealt with it poorly, but I think that you can't ever go back and look at like, oh, I did this wrong. You're just like, OK, what felt wrong at the moment? And what can I do to improve the next manic moment? I think it's really the most important thing that I can say that has helped me through these moments, it's having a support system, whether that mean having a therapist on call that I can call, whether that be, being my mother, being a support group like space movement, you know, having some sort of support and community, I think is the best way to kind of get through those dark moments to realize you're not alone because we always feel alone when we're in those dark moments, and that's when mistakes are made. So when you have conversations with other people and you realize, oh, you've been through this or you've had this, oh my god, like, what did you do to fix? This helped you? Ok, I'm going to try that next time. It's all trial and error with the community support.

Kevin Hines:
Beautiful. You went to this Kindred Mind Matters ... conference, share with us, how it was and what you found most profound about that experience.

Alessandra Torresani:
Oh, what was most profound was that's where emotional support the podcast was, was born. So I think that that's the coolest part, you know, and, and I think another profound moment was I had never met anyone, well, that's not true. I had met one person, but what, I had only met one other person before who lived with bipolar disorder. I never talked to somebody who lived with borderline personality disorder, who had schizophrenia, I never knew any of this. And so getting to hear other people speak on their experiences was a shock to me. I was like, wait, I'm not that unique, like, there are other people out there like me. I do a segment of of emotional support called beauty and the brain with my friend David Haggerty, who I met at the Mind Matters event, and he is a neuroscientist and he lives with bipolar 2, not also to, the number two. And he, you know, he was, you know, sharing his experiences and he was just mind-blowing to me, and I went up to him afterwards. I was like, I, I've had that panic attack, I've had that manic moment, you know? And from then we thought, what a great idea to answer fan questions from the beauty and the brain point of view, from the brain point of view of actually someone that understands and is studying the mind and someone like me who's just like ditzy and just has the ideas of what I have experienced, you know, and getting the facts out there. So that's been really fun. So beauty and the brain also came from the Mind Matters event.

Kevin Hines:
I love that, I love that. So on that note, which we're talking about it, let's get right into it, where do people find your podcast?

Alessandra Torresani:
Oh, yeah. And you're going to come on the show, which is so exciting!

Kevin Hines:
Yeah! It's going to be amazing!

Alessandra Torresani:
You can find it anywhere you listen to podcasts. We are literally everywhere across the world, from Apple to Spotify to Stitcher to Castbox to I, whatever, whatever there is we're there. On Facebook, Instagram, but you can find it at Emotional Support Pod, P O D.com And everything is EmotionalsupportPod. It's spelt emotional, but I say emotional, that's the, that's the kick, but it's very easy and simple and to the point and it's fun. And we also have a Facebook group that's the Emotional Support community. And so if you're having a tough day and you just want to write something down in there, write it down, domeone's going to listen, someone's going to respond.

Kevin Hines:
Beautiful. I love it. Get to that podcast! Listen. How often does it come out?

Alessandra Torresani:
Comes out every Tuesday. It's, you know, it's not a G podcast, it's not a PG podcast. It's not a PG-13 podcast. It is a very rated R. But that's what's fun about it, right? We get really real and raw and to the point and I get to get all my potty humor out and bad language. But it's good. It's, it's a, it's a place to escape for an hour, for some laughs, that's for sure. We laugh a lot.

Kevin Hines:
That's phenomenal. Ok, this one's a bit of a serious question to wrap it up here, but I just want to, I want to hear the answer to this question. And you mentioned. You briefly touched upon this, we didn't get into it, have you experienced suicidality or been suicidal in your life? What was that like and how did you overcome it?

Alessandra Torresani:
Right. Oh, totally have been, and it's still something that I live with, you know, every day it's still something that will pop up randomly. But for me, the only time that an action actually was made was I tried to drive off mall in Los Angeles and I hit a curb, which was great, I mean, a rock, which was great and went up the mountain, not down the mountain. So, you know, God was with me, I guess, or the aliens, someone, but you know, it was a misdiagnosis. I was on antidepressants, so I wasn't even like, like, I wasn't even aware what I was doing. And I think that's what was the scariest part was. And now it's more just, you know, the thoughts can be there. but I always like to say what my husband says, this too shall pass. And so I just sit there and let that the thoughts be there, recognize them, acknowledge them and then just have it move along.

Kevin Hines:
Your husband, does he have a diagnosed mental illness?

Alessandra Torresani:
He does not. He's special.

Kevin Hines:
That's, that's my situation is, I have a diagnosed mental illness, my wife does not. And it's a fine balance because it helps me stay stable to the best of mind. She's always there for me. What is it been like to have such a supportive husband who's got you back during your hard times and make sure you're safe when, when you're having a struggle?

Alessandra Torresani:
It's wild to have that for the first time in my life, it's truly wild, but I will say I don't depend on him to be there for me 100 percent of the time because, you know, he will always be there for me, no matter what, like no questions asked, but I don't think that it's healthy for me to depend on him. I need to depend on myself because we don't know where life turns out right, and one day you could be alone. So you can't get co-dependent on that situation and be like, oh, well, if I'm having a manic moment, he's going to stabilize me.

Kevin Hines:
Right.

Alessandra Torresani:
I have to be my best self, I always use the example of like an airplane. You know, if it's going down, you've got to put the oxygen mask on you before you put it on the person next to you, you know, so I have to be able to help myself in order to help us as a couple.

Kevin Hines:
You know, that's that's one of the most crucial things I think that's ever been said on this podcast because it's really important that you don't be codependent in any situation, whether one has mental Struggle or, you know, it's important that you have your own path, you have your own vision for life that you move forward in that vision. I really appreciate you saying that.

Alessandra Torresani:
Oh, thank you!

Kevin Hines:
How have your experiences affected your relationships, not just with you and your husband, but like your mom and dad, your family, your friends, your colleagues? How have your mental health experiences affected those relationships?

Alessandra Torresani:
I mean, sometimes good and sometimes bad, right? I have a great relationship with my husband and my mom. I have no relationship with my father. My father is, lives with bipolar disorder undiagnosed, unmedicated, so it's very hard to have that relationship when you have two different visions and I wish the best, but there's no relationship there, and that's fine. You know, I had a lot of ups and downs with friends. Some have been, you know, my fault, some have been their fault and it is what it is. But I think that no matter what, you always just have to be who you are in relationships, whether it's with a mental diagnosis or not, just be yourself and things pan out naturally. I wouldn't say that everything is perfect and I wouldn't say everything is a mess, it just is what it is. And some days things ebb and flow differently.

Kevin Hines:
Very good. Last question, what do you love most about being an inspiration to others?

Alessandra Torresani:
Oh, I hope I'm an inspiration.

Kevin Hines:
Oh no, Alessandra, you are.

Alessandra Torresani:
OK.

Kevin Hines:
I'm telling you this. It's truth.

Alessandra Torresani:
Thank you. I love knowing that I'm not alone, and I love that maybe I can help save a life, and I love knowing that maybe someone won't go in their car and do something that they don't really want to do the way that I did, because they can maybe get on their car and put Emotional Support on and listen to a conversation where we laugh about the insanity behind living with mental illness. And I hope that I could bring, most importantly, with being an inspiration, I hope I can just bring laughter because that's what I was born to do is just to make someone laugh. So if I can make it funny, let's make it funny.

Kevin Hines:
Let's do it. Ladies and gentlemen, listening, family and friends, we are here in the HINESIGHTS Podcast with Alessandra Torresani, an amazing and gifted human being, giving back to the world through all that she's doing that you just heard about, please, where you can listen, learn, watch and subscribe, follow this podcast, follow her podcast Emotional Support and really, if you see someone, if you hear about somebody, if you know someone's struggling mentally, don't be afraid to say, hey, are you OK? Is something wrong? Can I help you and be a guide to them to hope. Alessandra, thank you for being on the HINESIGHTS podcast, meant the world to me. And why don't you take the last word? Go for it.

Alessandra Torresani:
No, I just thank you so much. I can't wait to have you on the show and have people from, from my world hear your story because your story is so inspirational. When I heard it, I was just like, Oh my god, once again, I'm not alone! And so I think that's the best part of this, and we're just going to keep on keeping on.

Kevin Hines:
We're going to keep on keeping on, keep on truckin, and lastly, where do people find you on social media?

Alessandra Torresani:
Yes, you can just find me at my super long name at Alessandra Torresani. If you Google Alessandra Torresani, even if you misspell it, it'll show up, so just.

Kevin Hines:
We'll find you, we're all good. Thank you, Alessandra, for being on the show, really appreciate it. Hope you have a great rest of your day, and I hope to get to see you again soon.

Alessandra Torresani:
Thank you!

Kevin Hines:
Margaret and I love sharing stories of people who have triumphed over incredible adversity. For more content and inspiration, go to KevinHinesStory.com or visit us on all social media at KevinHinesStory or on youtube.com/KevinHines.

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